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Table Talk

From awkward first dates, casual dinners with friends, meeting the parents for the first time, the staff room, out for drinks, meetings with psychologists to pretty much any situation – the common denominator of all of these is communication. Saucy is here to initiate new conversation topics and perhaps elaborate on recent ones. We all have questions, concerns and just good old stories. So pull up a chair and have some table talk about good old Life.

Bridesmaid Dress

My childhood friend got married this summer, and of course I am happy for her. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I accepted. We all know the horror stories of bad bridesmaid dresses and that one should wear it no matter what. I didn’t have a problem with the look of the dress – wasn’t my style and I will never wear it again but hey, she is my close friend and so I bit the bullet and did what millions of bridesmaids do: smile sweetly and wear the dress. The problem was it wasn’t just the dress; I did have a problem with the costs I had to incur to celebrate this special day with her. I had to pay over $500 for the dress, and then I had to buy shoes, and then the gifts on top of it all. I wish I knew what was involved when I agreed to this; had I known how much it was going to cost me – I wouldn’t have done it.

Expense of Friendship

We have all heard this too many times from people we know who have been bridesmaids. I think the bride should pay for the costumes they would like their bridesmaids to wear on their special day – it’s as simple as that, regardless of what protocol dictates. Being a bridesmaid should feel like a special honor, like you were chosen to shine with the bride on her special day; it is a message to the world the bride is your close friend. Is saving money by not buying the bridesmaid’s dress worth having your close friend upset with you? Pay for the dress and you can choose whatever style and color you want, and no one is left with an empty wallet and an awful dress to remind them of it. Some people suggest that the bridesmaid can save money by not purchasing gifts. This one doesn’t fly though – people feel bad, and look cheap, if they don’t buy a gift. In my opinion, it’s good for the bride to remember she is relying on the bridesmaid to throw a staguette, a bridal shower, and to ensure all goes smoothly on her special day – make the bridesmaid feel special too!

Say Cheese!

A friend of mine has been posting pictures of my every move on an online site. I think she just posts every picture she has ever taken with her camera. So many of her pictures are bad shots of her friends – I wish she would just stop.

Celebrity or Facebook

Holy, listen to you – really? Is your ego so big that you think you are important enough for her to have to post pictures of your every move? Do you think anyone sees these photos? You’re not that important – sure other people might see the photos for a second but it’s not like you are the Queen of England or Madonna. They’ll see it for a second and then move on. I’m sure she does post every picture she has ever taken but she is not alone – seems everyone has a camera today. Most people can’t leave home without their phones and because many have built in cameras they have a camera at their fingertips at all times.

Welcome to the world of celebrity – the invasion of privacy, not being in control of your photo shoots, the bad photos being splattered all over for everyone to see, coupled with a headline suggesting drug abuse, heartbreak or the latest rumor one can think of.

This is something Paris Hilton could teach you – if you know they are taking the photo – smile.

What else can you do? Stay home?

I do agree with you, though; I wish people used more discretion in choosing which photos they post for the world to see. I sometimes see photos of people who are clearly wasted; posting photos like this can cause real problems for the people in them, and yet there isn’t any thought to that. What’s worse, even when people are in control of photos of themselves, they post incriminating shots of themselves too! There seems to be no discernment, no judgment used by some people: they don’t know that you look bad in the photos because they don’t even see themselves as looking bad. If you don’t like a photo of you that has been posted, then tell the person that posted it to remove it, or do what I do and just untag or delete the photo yourself if your site allows this.

I must admit though, the moon shot is a tough one – they know the photo is being taken and still drop their drawers – fair game?

Alcohol

I was at a party the other night and the host offered me a drink. “Can I get you a drink?” she asked politely, genuinely and in the kindest manner. I responded, “I don’t drink.” She smiled and then chuckled and said, “You don’t drink? Okay, well if you change your mind we have all sorts of refreshments, coffee, water and the bar is also serving beer and wine.” As I listened to her, I realized I sounded like a jackass as she was just being a host and didn’t even say alcohol. I could have said sure I would love a coffee – an iced tea – anything; I could have said anything else. In today’s world people look at you funny when you don’t drink.

Get over your hang up

I beg to differ – I’ve been to parties where telling people you don’t drink is welcomed with a smile.

Since I’m unsure of your reasons for abstaining from alcohol, I’m going to propose a few scenarios:

  • You don’t drink anymore. Perhaps you used to drink like a piss tank and those were the best years of your life and you have just decided not to anymore.
  • Perhaps you had kids and decided you wanted to be a role model.
  • Perhaps you should have quit and everyone told you so – you finally listened.
  • It may be against your beliefs.

The bottom line is this: many reasons exist for why people don’t drink. Your reasons are your own, but your response to your host tells me that you’re defensive about that choice. Ok – so now you know that, and perhaps you’ll be more aware next time.

I agree you could have answered the question very differently, but you have made me realize something. I am someone who loves a drink – but as part of a larger social context. I’m very social and go to many social events. I believe people do often assume if you are out socially then you must also enjoy a drink. Think about it: how many conversations end with a “lets go for a drink”? Some things start with drinking – have you ever been to a corporate golf tournament?

I commend those who do not drink but want to also commend those who do know how to do it responsibly and socially. I suggest the next time you are in a room where people have drinks in their hands, that you join them.

I didn’t say alcohol – you have to stop assuming “drink” means “alcohol” so you can relax and enjoy yourself.

No one truly cares if you drink or don’t drink unless you are a real drag sober or a really obnoxious drunk. We all know this scenario: “fun Bobby” was the life of the party; he stopped drinking and he was no longer “fun Bobby.” Why? There are more options out there than being a drag or being a train wreck. The most important thing to be is yourself.

MIA

I have a friend who is always late for things, and sometimes he goes as far as disappearing altogether. Over the years, I have just accepted the behaviour – my usual comment is “that’s just how he is.” But recently, we had made plans to go for lunch and I waited 20 minutes by myself, then the worst thing that could happen – did: my ex walked in and saw me sitting all lonely and by myself. It was like a scene from Bridget Jones’ Diary! I am fed up, and will never wait for him again.

Time or Friendship

We all have this friend, and we too accept the friend for who he or she is. Unfortunately, this is all we can do - people tend not to change. They grow and pick up new habits and lose old ones but they never truly change. You have to decide which is more valuable - your time or your friendship. This is a tough one, and most don’t make this decision. But I can tell you this, if my friend was always late or didn’t even show - I would ask him to pick me up so we could arrive on time. That way if he is late, I can relax over a glass of wine while waiting for him. Because, I of course would be ready on time just in case this was the one time he was on time. Or I guess I could show him how it feels by being late. Hmmm if you can’t beat them - join em? No, don’t do it - we need more responsible, reliable and courteous people. People are who people are, you choose if they are in your life or not.

Ahhh courtesy! Is it too much to ask that if you are going to be late or not show at all – that you pick up a phone? A note to the terminally tardy: Sometimes, when we get over the initial disappointment of you being late we come to the realization that something could have happened to you. If you are “missing” for more than 24 hours and a person was expecting you, then you should send an email or make a phone call – not to apologize, but to touch base.

...from my lips to yours

Saucy

If you have any questions, stories or suggestions for Saucy then please send her an e-mail to saucy@alternativetrends.com.